Birth Mother Panel

I guess this next Thursday I'm going to be on a panel at the old Dixie High seminary building for adoptive parents/birth parents. My counselor called me yesterday and asked if I would be a volunteer, and of course I jumped at the offer! From what she was saying, it's only a once a year thing, and they don't have very many volunteers do it. Basically there will be couples there that are considering adoption, as well as young women who are considering placing their children. So it'll be part educational and part emotional. They'll be asking me questions, personal questions, that I will be more than happy to answer. My counselor wants me to do it because she said that I have the perfect example of how open adoption can be for those who want it. She also said that there aren't very many out there that keep it going as good as we have been able to. So, of course, I told her yes. :) I'll also be speaking in high schools here pretty soon too. She gave my number to the woman that is in charge of it, and she said that she'll call me by tomorrow to let me know when she would like to meet up and get to know each other a little. She's an adoptive parent as well, and she has a great open adoption with her birth mothers too.

iPod, uPod

So, I finally caved in and got an iPod nano. It's the cutest thing that fits

into my pocket! I got it specifiacally for the drive up to the reunion,

but I've already decided that it's nice when I want a specific song to play

and I don't have to wait for the radio to play it.

I also got the t.v. screens that you can hook up to the back of my front

seats for Kenna so she won't be so bored and can watch her movies.

It's nice thinking of everything. :)

McKenna's Ber-fin-day

Kenna's birthday lasted all weekend! It started with her party on Saturday, which we played, ate some yummy food and hung out.

Adam, Betsy and Max came for the party. Max was

just a little tired from them being at the lake all day



Everyone had a try at the pinata, Jarom even

tried to hit it like a golf ball!

Kenna opened all her presents.
(she wasn't spoiled at all!)

They all went out with her new sidewalk chalk,
and yes, that is Nora's bumb.

The morning of her birthday, Sunday, she couldn't get enough
of her new Dora house. She's still playing with it pretty much non-stop!

Max and Kenna had fun playing with the BBQ Bubble Machine that Grammy
got for her. They have the same cheeks!

I just had to get a picture of him squatting!

McKenna took this picture. Natural talent?

Not the cutest picture, but I wanted one of all 3

Playing with Grammy's necklace

Hanging out w/Papa

She blew out the candle about 5 times before the birthday song was
even over!

Eating some cake w/her favorite Jarom

After a long 2 days and a belly full of sugar, she spent the ENTIRE night
in her bed for the first time in 2 months. :)

It was a good birthday.

Kenna's Party

McKenna's birthday party is this Saturday at 5:30... so for those of you who REALLY want to come and party it up St. George/Dora style, come on over! It's at my house and Adam, Betsy and Max will be there, and so will cake and ice cream. :) We're having a fiesta, so there will be a pinata, empenadas, toquitos and games. Come shake your booty (as Kenna calls it), and get sick on sugar!
btw-if anyone has any ideas on what I should get for my soon to be 3 year old, I would really appreciate it. I have no clue!

Classes, classes... so many classes

I can tell you already that math, english and CSI are going to kick my butt. Even though Kundalini Yoga did kick my butt tonight (I did have to take some pain reliever when I got home), the professor is freaking awesome and she's making it fun. It's also nice knowing how to erase the world out of my mind for 2 hours once a week and only focus on myself. :) Then I have my Managing Stress class that's also once a week... TOTALLY looking forward to that one! Let's just say that I'm going to have to say goodbye to my social life for the next 3 months, and the only reason that mom and dad will be seeing me is because I'm rushing Kenna in and out of their home. Also, the only reason Lee will be seeing me is because he's helping me either with Kenna so I can do my homework, or he's helping with my homework. What a nice guy. BTW-we did make up. (just in case you're accidently out of the loop.) I know it's been on and off, on and off... but he knows that I'm not rushing anything because of it, and we're having fun. Besides, it's his turn to sit on the side lines and wait for me to have time for him. Mom agreed. :)

Total Anxiety

Okay... so, here's the thing: School starts next week, and I'm taking half hard classes and half easy classes. So you'd think that I'd be completely cool with the whole thing, right? Well... today I noticed that I'm already freaking out a little bit that it starts, and also that I have to take math all over again. Not to mention that I've already failed this math class and I have to take it all over again.. then I have to take an english class that doesn't even count towards my credit for graduating. Can we say, "totally lame"? Plus... this might sound like i'm a total girl, which I am, but I'm also not at all close to the weight that I wanted to be at before school started again. Sad, I know! Anyway.. I'll keep you all updated on how it goes, although I don't think I'll be on the computer nearly as much once it starts. All the homework that I'm going to have, and keeping after Kenna is already going to take up 19 hours out of my day.
Anxiety stricken!!

NO MORE DIAPERS!

So, can you tell that I'm excited? For the past 3 days, McKenna has worn panties, and only has had 2 accidents. All day today, even at work and all through Costco, she didn't make one mistake!! It's so nice to say, "do you need to use the potty?" before we go anywhere, instead of having to check her diaper and changing it if it's wet. I can hear mom cheering because when school starts next week, she won't need to change Kenna's diapers anymore!!

Karen, you jealous? :)

Tag! You're It!

Four Places I go Over and Over:
1. Home
2. Gold's Gym
3. Mom's
4. Wal-Fart

Four people who email me regularly:
1. Dad (mostly forwards :P)
2. Adam and Betsy
3. Aunt Sue (always forwards)
4. junk mail

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Ireland
2. Tuscany
3. Hawaii
4. Disneyland (which I'm going to this next year wether the fam goes with me or not!)

Four people I talk to on a regular basis:
1. McKenna
2. Mom
3. Lee
4. Incompetent and ignorant people at Gold's

Four of my favorite places to eat:
1. Bajio's
2. Subway
3. Home
4. Mom's (she makes the best)

Four people I tag:
1. Mitsy
2. Heather
3. Kenice
4. Karen P.

My Idol...

is Kaysha. I really look up to her. She is truly great.

New Postage For Mit

Mitsy said it's been too long for me to go with out writing a new post. So, here's one. To all who read this:
I like you.
I love you.
Love,
Ashley

Singing in the Rain... but not really

Mr. Z and Kenna posing in the rain
Don't you just love thier rain outfits?
Bat Z and Super Kenna

Today it stormed, and it was awesome! It was raining, lightning and thundering and it smelled so good! Kenna and I were outside and then Kaysha's kids came over and wanted us to go to their house and hang out. So we stayed outside for at least an hour just talking and enjoying the quiet before the school phaze starts up next week.

Major Ventage

I know everyone has bad days, bad weekends, or bad weeks... and it's kinda been that way for me this past week. Can I just say, boys are totally lame. I'm seriously thinking that I'm just not meant to be with anyone, and I'm accepting that I just might not get married. It's not worth the heartache, the frustration, the time or the energy to put everything you have into a relationship that you thought was going great for the most part, and then all of a sudden, the person that's in the relationship with you is scared of any type of commitment, and breaks up with you and says, "let's keep dating with out the b/f, g/f title". Excuse me? I just wasted 7 months and hundreds of kisses on someone who just wants to "date" and keep it at that? No thank you. I've been through enough these past 4 years to keep taking steps that just lead backward. I'm done. Guys are lame.
Period.
The End.

Kenna's Nose

The nurse asked if the teddy needed a hat too, and Kenna said yes.
Being such a big girl while waiting for the doctor.
After a 2 hour nap, she came and laid on the couch with me, and then passed out again!
Isn't she cute?

McKenna and I went to the surgical center this morning at 6:30 so that she could get her nose fixed so that it would stop causing nose bleeds. We went to the Dr. yesterday, which was really an appt. for me, and near the end of it, it turned towards Kenna. I went in to get my ears checked because I've had ear infections in both ears for nearly a year and 1/2, and my normal doctor didn't really know what to do for me, so it seemed. So I went to an ear, nose & throat doctor to get checked.. and he gave me some things to help. I then asked him a question that I thought I would get a simple answer for and then be out the door, but after 20 minutes of him checking McKenna's nose and me filling out paper work, we had set an appt. for her for the next morning to get her nose bleeding nostrils fixed. :( I was pretty much a nervous reck the rest of the day! Mostly just because they had to put her under in order to do the procedure.

Anyway, after an hour and 1/2, she was a little groggy from waking up and we were sent home. (Kenna was going to Grandma's and after dropping her off, I was headed to work.) The doctor told me ahead of time what they do, and he said that normally they'll only find one blood vessel that causes the nose bleeds, or often times they won't find any. They found 5 in hers. Needless to say, the nurses and the doctor all said that she set the bar for the other patients for that day because she did such a good job.

That's my girl!

Sleep Talking

Last night I was changing McKenna's diaper while she was sleeping so that she didn't soak the bed during the night. She usually wakes up just enough to lift her bumb so that I can put the diaper under her, but instead, she said in her sweet, tired little voice, "I like chocolate", with her eyes still closed!
I had to go to my room because I couldn't stop laughing! Whatever she was dreaming about, I'd love to have that one tonight!

Stupid DWFS

Finally, after waiting more than 2 months for the retarded DWFS people to sign a paper for me to get my medical insurance, I got my card this weekend. It seemed like every time they told me to hand something in and that would be the last thing I had to do, a week later they would tell me I have to do 5 more things. Then another week later, they claim that I never turned anything in! They're retarded, slow, and manipulative. But at least I finally got my card, (after numerous phone calls every week for the past month!)

I just can't wait until I can afford everything on my own. That'll be the day.

Another Day At Work

The other day at work, McKenna was playing with some of the "little people" toys we have and started to stuff them into her shirt. She was keeping them on the upper half of her torso, making sure none of them were around her stomach. One of the girls I work with asked her what she was doing, and she said, "It's a mommy shirt!"

I'd say she was about a B cup.

Kenna's Hair

I went to pick up McKenna last night from my parents house becuase my mom was extra nice and picked her up from my work. She was pretty ornry and tired, so I thought she'd fall asleep in the car for her, and of course, she didn't. When I got there, my mom had this embarrassed look on her face and said, "McKenna cut her hair." ??? WHAT!? She said that McKenna was cutting something and she was watching her closely from the kitchen and asked if she was done? McKenna said, "Not yet. I'm snapping my hair." Not exactly what she was expecting to hear! Luckily, though, it was just a tiny bit from her pony tail, maybe 20 hairs or so, and you can't really tell... as long as it's in a pony! At least she didn't wait until she was 3 to become a beautician. That's when I turned into one. (I have the picture to prove it!)

The Ways of Toddlers

Anyone who has kids can relate, I assure you. I woke up this morning and went into my family room to find some weird colored mess smeared all over my couch. I took a closer look at it, and it was raw sausage! I asked McKenna why she did it, and she said her 'tiger' did it. Now she's starting to do the blame game, which is something I wasn't looking forward to. I talked to her about it, and told her she needed to go to her room, which she did with out being sad or even screaming at me. It was nice! She even stayed there until I told her she was allowed to come out again. I called my mom to ask her what I should do about the fabric on the couch, and she said she'd come over and help me take it off the cushion and wash it. (she made the couch covers, that's why I called her.) So when McKenna came out, she said sorry and gave me a hug, then said, "I won't never do it never again, mommy." How could that not melt your heart? So now I get to go and buy a lock for the fridge... again. I had one, but she broke it. I'll just have to get a stronger one this time.

Parenting With Love and Logic

I was having a hard day last week, and my hormones were getting the best of me. For those of you who work with me, you know that my patience level isn't very high when that happens. I was talking to one of my friends about potty training McKenna, and how draining it is. She mentioned a book called Parenting With Love and Logic, and said she'd bring it to work with her the next day to let me borrow it. Can I just say, not only have I gotten more patience, but the way of thinking with how I word things to McKenna has changed already, and she's become a better listener and chooses the right choices that I give her! I'm still working on it, but usually I give her two choices: choice A (which is the better choice) or choice B (which is the not so better choice) and she does great! It basically helps you to teach your kids responsibility, and it's relieved stress already, on both her and myself. So what if it was written in the late 80's, and there's more books out there for todays kids? This one is working for me, and I would definatly recommend it to anyone who has kids and are at the their break of not having anymore patience.

5th of July

The fourth of July went all right. It started with Kenna and me going to the pool, which was awesome because we were the only ones there for about 1/2 hour. Then my friend and her little boy came and played.

Then later in the day, as some of you know, my bf and I decided to call it quits, but then he came to a bbq Kaysha was having w/me anyway. Weird, I know. So it was kind of an annoying night, and I wasn't in the mood to do anything. So randomly, the next night was more fun. I wasn't expecting to do anything, but my mom called me and asked me to meet her and Kaysha to get some food, and then we'd go back to her house and light the rest of the fireworks. Jarom met us at moms, he got dropped off by his "big brother", Jeremy, and he decided to stay and hang out for a bit. (did I mention he was hot?) Mitsy, you'd agree with me on this. Kaysha does. Anyway, that night was a lot more fun, less people+more family=more fun. Kenna kept covering her ears and getting a little scared, but for the most part, she was a big girl!

Ode to Kenice

I just spent 6 days up in Orem at my sister Kenice's house, and she was an awesome hostess! She's always willing to let people stay and eat her food, have get-together's and party hardy! So, Kenice, thanks sister for putting up with me and my wild child for that week! We love you!

Pull-ups or Diapers?

So, last month when I bought diapers, I told myself, "this is the last box of diapers I'm ever buying for her." And I felt good about my decision. I figured, we've started the potty training a little over 2 months ago, that's right, TWO months, and I figured it was time to call the diapers quits completely. I went into Costco to buy Pull-ups, thinking that they'd help her along the way to potty training, and did they work? Of course not! She thinks they're diapers, only with the Disney Princess' instead of Mickey Mouse! AND they don't hold nearly as much liquid as normal diapers do. Totally lame.
I'm going to keep trying and working with her, and hoping that this last box that I bought will be the last....

or perhaps the next box will be.

The Awesomeness of Friends

I've noticed that any time it comes to my kids, my friends are always willing to go the extra mile to help. Today I called two of my co-workers to see if one of them could cover my shift on Tuesday so that I could spend more time with my son and his adoptive parents, and they were more than happy to say yes and told me not to worry about a thing and to have fun.
Shouldn't everyone have friends like them?

High School Reunion

So, tonight is my 5 year high school reunion. I don't think anything else can make you feel so old. Especially when you haven't accomplished much in those 5 years. I can just hear the questions: "did you graduate college?" nope.. just started.
"are you married?" nope.
"but you have kids?" yep.
"oh." yep, see ya later.
I came to realize that when you're in high school, you're so naive to what the real world is like, and only the lucky people get and accomplish what they planned for. The other people, such as myself, have to go through tornadoes, climb mountains, and sink in the deep end of the ocean before life starts to take it's rightful place.
I'm not at all where I thought I would be 5 years ago, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

My Son's First Birthday

A year ago, I was in the hospital with my mom and my daughter, getting ready to welcome him into this crazy world that we live in, and I was scared. I wasn't scared of the labor or the delivery, I was scared because it was all finally happening, and I wasn't ready to say goodbye. It was bitter sweet. I was overdue, and nice and plump, but I didn't want to let him go just yet. After 11 hours of labor, he was born, and just as beautiful as could be! The strange thing about it, which I know Heavenly Father did this on purpose, I could've placed him right then. I didn't have that same connection that I did w/my daughter. I was also strangely energized, and I wanted to start walking, (of course it's impossible with an epidural), but that's how much energy I had! He was 6lbs. 14 oz. and 19" long, and born just before 6:00 pm.
My family was amazing. My sister, Mitsy, came down from Springville to be there for me, my other sister, Kaysha, was there, and my parents came with my daughter. Later that night, Adam and Betsy came to greet him. I found them through LDS Services just a little over a month before my due date, and I told them after two weeks of e-mails to each other that I chose them to be my baby's parents. We met at my counselor's office two weeks before I was due, and they were absolutely amazing. Adam is such a sweetheart, so genuine and laid back. Betsy is hilarious, energetic and beautiful. Our meeting was perfect. Later that day, we met at the Olive Garden so they could meet my parents and my daughter. My parents instantly fell in love with them, and McKenna took to them so fast, it was adorable.
We kept in contact during the next two weeks, and the morning I was to be induced, I called my counselor, and she called them to let them know. I had him in the hospital with me for 48 hours, and it was the most difficult and precious 48 hours of my life. I had him in the room with me as much as possible, and the only time they took him out was to do the routine testing. Let's just say I didn't get much sleep! When the time of placement came, I couldn't sign the papers as easily as I thought I would've been able to. I was holding him in my left arm, and I had the pen in my right, and I couldnt' sign it. I was balling like a baby, and hesitating to sign. It took me about 10 minutes before I was finally able to do it, and I felt so empty inside as I was signing. My parents were there with me, and after all the paper work, we all went into the "family room" that they have in the hospital and Adam and Betsy were there waiting for us. I could tell they were emotional as well. During placement, they gave me a beautiful ring with diamonds in it, to represent that day. (All of our birthdays are in April, and our birth stone is diamond, so that's why they chose it.) I wear it all the time, and never take it off.
Looking back over this past year, I know I did the right decision for my son. They give him so much love, as well as to McKenna and me. The adoption is completely open, and we e-mail each other, sometimes text or call, and visit. The adoption went through on Dec. 31, 2007, he was blessed on Jan. 20th, 2008, and they were sealed just a few days after.
I placed him for numerous reasons, but the biggest was because I knew that I couldn't give him and McKenna the life they both deserve by myself. I was already struggling with just my daughter and me, and bringing my son into it would've been selfish. I kept his and McKenna's best interest in mind since day one, and because of it, I have the best of the best being his parents. Adam and Betsy have been absolutely wonderful and caring during this entire year, and I couldn't have been lead to anyone better.
Some people think that it's weird with how open we are to each other, which is understandable since open adoption hasn't been around for that long. But I couldn't have asked for anything other than open. It's helped me to heal faster emotionally, and it's such a wonderful gift to be keeping in contact.
I love my children, and I'm glad that I went through what I went through. Adam and Betsy have a family now, and McKenna and I have another branch to our family tree. What could be better than that?