My Son's First Birthday

A year ago, I was in the hospital with my mom and my daughter, getting ready to welcome him into this crazy world that we live in, and I was scared. I wasn't scared of the labor or the delivery, I was scared because it was all finally happening, and I wasn't ready to say goodbye. It was bitter sweet. I was overdue, and nice and plump, but I didn't want to let him go just yet. After 11 hours of labor, he was born, and just as beautiful as could be! The strange thing about it, which I know Heavenly Father did this on purpose, I could've placed him right then. I didn't have that same connection that I did w/my daughter. I was also strangely energized, and I wanted to start walking, (of course it's impossible with an epidural), but that's how much energy I had! He was 6lbs. 14 oz. and 19" long, and born just before 6:00 pm.
My family was amazing. My sister, Mitsy, came down from Springville to be there for me, my other sister, Kaysha, was there, and my parents came with my daughter. Later that night, Adam and Betsy came to greet him. I found them through LDS Services just a little over a month before my due date, and I told them after two weeks of e-mails to each other that I chose them to be my baby's parents. We met at my counselor's office two weeks before I was due, and they were absolutely amazing. Adam is such a sweetheart, so genuine and laid back. Betsy is hilarious, energetic and beautiful. Our meeting was perfect. Later that day, we met at the Olive Garden so they could meet my parents and my daughter. My parents instantly fell in love with them, and McKenna took to them so fast, it was adorable.
We kept in contact during the next two weeks, and the morning I was to be induced, I called my counselor, and she called them to let them know. I had him in the hospital with me for 48 hours, and it was the most difficult and precious 48 hours of my life. I had him in the room with me as much as possible, and the only time they took him out was to do the routine testing. Let's just say I didn't get much sleep! When the time of placement came, I couldn't sign the papers as easily as I thought I would've been able to. I was holding him in my left arm, and I had the pen in my right, and I couldnt' sign it. I was balling like a baby, and hesitating to sign. It took me about 10 minutes before I was finally able to do it, and I felt so empty inside as I was signing. My parents were there with me, and after all the paper work, we all went into the "family room" that they have in the hospital and Adam and Betsy were there waiting for us. I could tell they were emotional as well. During placement, they gave me a beautiful ring with diamonds in it, to represent that day. (All of our birthdays are in April, and our birth stone is diamond, so that's why they chose it.) I wear it all the time, and never take it off.
Looking back over this past year, I know I did the right decision for my son. They give him so much love, as well as to McKenna and me. The adoption is completely open, and we e-mail each other, sometimes text or call, and visit. The adoption went through on Dec. 31, 2007, he was blessed on Jan. 20th, 2008, and they were sealed just a few days after.
I placed him for numerous reasons, but the biggest was because I knew that I couldn't give him and McKenna the life they both deserve by myself. I was already struggling with just my daughter and me, and bringing my son into it would've been selfish. I kept his and McKenna's best interest in mind since day one, and because of it, I have the best of the best being his parents. Adam and Betsy have been absolutely wonderful and caring during this entire year, and I couldn't have been lead to anyone better.
Some people think that it's weird with how open we are to each other, which is understandable since open adoption hasn't been around for that long. But I couldn't have asked for anything other than open. It's helped me to heal faster emotionally, and it's such a wonderful gift to be keeping in contact.
I love my children, and I'm glad that I went through what I went through. Adam and Betsy have a family now, and McKenna and I have another branch to our family tree. What could be better than that?